A Placeholder

Someone recently left a kind comment on my first Substack post from a few months ago; a timely reminder that there is a point to all this and I should keep going with it. I lost momentum on the extended intro I’d begun: a reflection of where I’ve come from and what I’ve learned as I approach my fiftieth birthday. Unfolding global events, more awful by the day, left me feeling the endeavour was a ridiculous indulgence. Then, the longer I left it, the harder it felt to pick back up.

I will return to that reflective exercise in time, because the years 25 - where I paused - to (almost) 50 have been full of challenges, losses, love, and personal growth, and it’s all these things that make us human and real and so much more than AI will ever be. It’s essential that we keep communicating with one another in a meaningful way, and sharing our unique experiences and what we’ve learned from these is a vital part of this. Empathy is key. (Fuck AI.)

For the time being, this is a placeholder of sorts, to say thank you to those who have subscribed, followed, or otherwise engaged so far. I haven’t given up and I will be posting more.

Lychnis coronaria, sown from seed and the hottest of pinks.

On a personal level, the past six months have been characterised by deep emotional pain following the loss of two beautiful, beloved young members of our family; the death of my two-year-old nephew of leukaemia just before Christmas, then the death of my cousin’s 24-year-old son following a car accident last month. On top of processing my own grief, it’s been so hard to watch my sister, then my cousin, go through the devastation of losing a son, and not be able to do anything to take away their pain. All any of us can do is show up for them and let them know we are there for them, always. Life can be so cruel.

My niece and nephew humouring me by hugging a beautiful beech on a recent visit to Aberdeen. ‘How does it feel?’ I asked my nephew. ‘Weird,’ he replied.

I’ve been finding pleasure in simple things. I’m growing stuff: the sweet peas I sowed a bit too early to cheer myself up in winter have finally bloomed and smell incredible. My first tomatoes are ripening, cucumbers are growing, dahlias (another first for me) are getting ready to bloom, and the lawn is a glorious carpet of clover, abuzz with bees. I’m obsessed with the Merlin bird app (Shazam for birdsong) and actually exclaimed ‘YES!’ when a goldfinch visited the garden today. Such are my midlife dopamine hits. I’ve also developed a tree hugging habit which I’ve thus far failed to pass on to my nieces and nephew, despite my best efforts. It feels amazing - try it! I’ve deactivated my social media accounts (Substack doesn’t count, it’s different) and I’m moving more – yoga, weights, cycling, walking. Last weekend, we visited family up north and I swam in the sea at Achmelvich Beach, one of the most beautiful beaches I’ve ever seen. None of this is going to save the world but it is helping me stay sane and keep going.

Last weekend’s swim spot featuring dream house in the background, which not only has this beach for a vista but also looks across towards the stunning mountains of Assynt.

My normally voracious reading habit has dwindled to zilch, and I’m hoping that will pick up again soon, not least because I have an ever-expanding pile of exciting books which I’m eager to get into. Likewise, the writing project I’ve been working on is at a bit of a standstill, but ideas are continuing to percolate, and I aim to get back into it again when I take some time off work later this month and have more headspace. In the meantime, we are off to a music festival this weekend, and I am so ready to dance to good tunes in a forest with some of my favourite people, not caring about whether it’s pissing down or not (it will be). The weekend after that, I’ll be heading to London with my son to see Neil Young, and I really can’t wait.

For now, thanks for reading and I’ll try not to leave it four months until next time.

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I’m including links to a few posts I’ve enjoyed on here recently:

I'm sharing this great piece by Mike Press in the interests of balance, because of course AI isn't all bad. I know Bowie would have embraced it, and that's almost enough to bring me on board.

I love Sasha Neal's writing, and in this piece she perfectly captured the excitement of arriving at Glasgow Central Station and the compulsion she felt to explore the city in a quest to understand her grandmother.

Anna Wharton’s Ten Things to Write When You Don't Feel Like Writing has been very popular, with good reason - there are some excellent tips here.

I've also been dipping into Sam Baker's The Shift interviews. Sam is such an intelligent, sensitive interviewer, and I found this recent one with Melissa Febos really interesting.

On the subject of music festivals, this piece from Wendy Varley was a lovely, heartwarming read.

I’m still familiarising myself with Substack so if these links don’t work or I’m doing something stupid or verboten please let me know.